The plot to Mikes demise
by ImWithTheVampires181
Summary: How did one sketch pad get them all into so much trouble? An Edward and Bella story.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N ok, I know nobody reads these things, ( I know I don't) but I'm just saying, that this is my first fan fiction. And I would very much like feedback on how it is going. I also love criticism. We all need a little humility once in while. Stephanie Meyer is a god._**

**_I have just uploaded this stupid story 6 times, and right now I'm of the urge to press the mocking little "delete" icon on the webpage, even if its just out of spite. I hope you all apreciate my struggle._**

_**DISCLAIMER: I own the twilight series. No, seriously, I do. They're sitting on my bookshelf at home. **_

**(Insert Muse's "super massive black hole" here for reading music.)**

"Bella" the velvet voice broke through my haze.

"Bella, please stop squirming, it's painful to watch." I shifted again, when he huffed, I stuck out my tongue, like the petulant child I pretend not to be.

A muffled sigh reached my ears, as Edward put his equipment away. I held in a shout of triumph. It was difficult. Especially when I wanted to jump up and dance with relief. I restrained myself. I would probably just fall over.

Wincing at the pins and needles currently attacking my legs. The comfortable black leather couch in Edwards's room, stops being comfortable after a long period of time. He put the sketch pad down and came over to lightly pat my legs. The stabbing receded somewhat.

Edward laughed as I began to gingerly pace the room, limping ever so slightly as I slowly regained feeling in my limbs.

"I'm sorry Bella. I forgot how that feels…." His face held an amused look, but concern clouded his features.

I hobbled over to the closed book, resting on the small stool situated front of the sofa. The pad was closed, and the bright red cover jumped out to me.

Beckoning.

My fingers itched with the temptation to open it, I shot a sly look over my shoulder to Edward, he was over near the wall of CD's. He paused the track. The soft jazz he was listening to while drawing was cut off abruptly. He smiled, and I felt it all the way to my toes.

Turning my attention back to the booklet, I picked it up. Nervous, suddenly. Self-conscious even. For the first time since he asked to put my picture to paper. I felt very inadequate, and though the thousand times Edward has told me I was beyond gorgeous, I still couldn't stop that cynical little voice at the back of my mind that was muttering, LIAR.

Unwarranted panic was rising in my throat.

And then he was there. By my shoulder, taking the book from my hands, turning the page, knowing, that afflicting false modesty would make himself seem ridiculous. Edward was good at everything.

My heart was no longer beating. In one timeless moment I could swear it had stopped.

No, modesty would have certainly been beyond ridiculous.

They were beautiful. No. not beautiful. So much more. Beauty was a word that described only outside appearance.

And I was not beautiful.

He had captured my soul.

Page after page he turned, the light pencil marks had captured my image in a way that a camera could never dream of.

I noted with surprise the book was almost full. Of me.

Sketch after unbelievable sketch my face looked up at me. An anthology of Bella.

My brows furrowed, while I turned to Edward in confusion.

He smiled back at me, sheepishly, almost embarrassed.

"You did all of this in an hour?" my puzzlement made my voice sound skeptical. I knew he was capable of it. Heck, he was capable of completing the book in just a few minutes. Stupid vampire speed.

But I can distantly remember him saying something about doing the human way. I can't say I really noticed, I spent the whole time gazing at the perfection that was his face. Trying not to fidget.

He shrugged, as if the entire situation wasn't hugely abnormal.

"I've been drawing you since the first time I saw you. It was the only way to get your face from my mind. Though, this is the first time I've ever asked you to sit for me." He smiled again. A little shyer this time though.

"Are you sure you've never done this before?" the pencil strokes looked to confident to be the work of an armature's. I can't say though, that I am too surprised. Edward was good at everything.

"You, are the first thing I've ever had the urge to draw" he said it lightly, like it was no big deal. But I felt my brain turn to mush at the simple statement. My cheeks pulled up. Grinning goofily, while my legs turned to jelly. I quickly sat down. I didn't want my infamous clumsiness to ruin the mood. I hoped I didn't do something embarrassing, like collapsing on the floor, from lack of oxygen reaching my brain. Wouldn't be the first time.

I took a deep breath. Just in case.

"You're not hard to draw Bella." He stated.

Of course not.

Stupid Vampire.

_****_

This is the first chapter, it's a little short, only 865 words. But I think the update will be longer. Feedback always makes me update faster,,,,,,,,,,?

_**Rate and review? I will give you a cookie?**_

_**Until next time my readers!**_

_**Loveage**_

_**Emily and Derrick the dinosaur.**_

_**Xo.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. ( I got told off from Chloe from the last chapter, when I said I did…..)**_

_**This is chapter two. I warn you, it's kind of weird, but it is necessary. This is the last chapter of necessary stuff, so after this one, the fun begins!**_

_**(reading music- "The last night" Skillet)**_

It was raining.

Great. It's always raining.

I suppose I should be accustomed to it by now, the precarious drizzle that never ceases.

I looked out of my window, as I pushed my self up on my elbows, my faded blue quilt crinkling as I sat up.I could hardly see through it, my window. The miserable dribble of water that ran down the pain from the overflowing guttering clouded my view.

Cutting me off from the outside world.

But I was being depressing.

My usual jubilant façade faltering slightly.

It's always like this when he's away. Like his presence held my own little ray of sunshine and all the bad gets blinded out in his glare. Quite literally sometimes. Due to the fact that on the rare sunny days that the sun can be bothered halfheartedly pushing it self through the thick cloud cover that was Forks, he sparkles.

Awfully cynical, aren't I?

My feet froze as I hopped out of bed and onto the cold floor boards.

Stupid Forks.

I dressed quickly, hurrying, trying to get my clothes on before the chill of the morning seeped into me. My oversized sex pistols t-shirt and grey sweat pants hanging loosely. Pulling the drawstring tight, I headed down the stairs.I wasn't going anywhere today.  
Stumbling to the bottom, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, my free hand groping blindly for the fridge door. Pulling out the first thing it came across.

A bottle of Charlie's Light beer.

Maybe not.

Quickly replacing it, I grabbed a granola bar and headed back up the was out today. He mentioned something about going to visit Billy.

Opening my door, I crossed the room to turn on my pre-historic-second-hand computer. Waiting for the Ancient equipment to dial up, I sorted through the mail Charlie had bought up for me. Flicking through the envelopes for anything not resembling a Forks greengrocer coupon or advertisement for nasal spray, I came across my bank statement. Cringing, I set that one aside; I really didn't want to know what was in there….

A quick glance to my screen told me that it had finished dialing. A window popped up reminding me that I had an Email from Renee'.Smiling, I clicked on the little window. Convenient. I needed to scan her the pictures Edward sketched of me, she asked about them.

Reaching for the Sketch pad I had stolen from Edward, my hand fluttered around the desk. In surprise, I tore my face from the monitor.

Odd.

I distinctly remember putting it there last night, right on the bottom right corner of my desk, when Edward had dropped me off, and told me he would be back tonight, because he was going hunting.  
I searched.  
Over and under, inside and out, nothing overlooked.  
Everywhere, and yet no-where.  
I couldn't find it.

I tore my room apart, every crack and crevice looked in. Emails forgotten I raced down the stairs in the off chance Charlie had seen it and taken a look.

I turned the kitchen upside down, demolished the lounge and bathroom, and threw everything out of the laundry.  
And that was how he found me.  
In all of the confusion, I must have lost track of time, my watch read 7:00pm.

He walked in, well, more of swaggered in, he looked rather pleased with himself- I was too distracted to ask why, and I looked up at him from the pile of laundry I was sitting cross legged on.

A spider ran down the side of the washing machine, and I glared at it in angry frustration. It scurried off, and Edward raised a questioning eyebrow at my behavior. His good mood vanishing.

"Bella?" he looked at me wearily, almost as if he was judging whether I would explode or not.

I would have laughed if I didn't want to throw something.  
When did I become so violent?

"Bella, what's the matter? What's wrong?" I could see that he was trying to determine whether my unstable and unpredictable female hormones were the culprit of the situation.

"I can't find it" I stated curtly. Not really sure why I was snapping at him, but just feeling the need to be mean.

"You can't find what? And aren't those my pants? " he asked. Again raising a curious eyebrow at my curtness.

"I can't find your sketch book"

_**AHHHHHHH ok. As I said, this is the second chapter, it's a little weird, but it just gets the ball rolling.**_

_**Bet you can't guess where it is? Review your theories =) I always love to hear from an audience. =)**_

_**The next chapters will be starting to get to the good stuff, you know, like, world domination, evil Chihuahua's, anonymous abuse mail, and, general Mike hating goodness =)**_

_**Please please please review, it will take but 5 seconds and I'd dearly love to hear from you! Remember, more reviews means faster updates…….**_

_**A special thanks to all the people that have already reviewed, you rock! I would name you, but I thought that might be a breach of privacy….. **_

_**Aureviour'**_

_**-Emily and Derrick the dinosaur.**_

**_-And Chloe the Carrot._**

_**xo**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**I do not own twilight.**_

_**Explanation and pathetic excuse for the tardiness and the shortness at the bottom of the chapter.**_

_**Just a special thanks to TeamVampire for the awesome support. You are awesome, and thank you to everyone who reviews and messages, YOU ARE LOVED!!**_

The shiny Volvo door slammed loudly against the frame, as I pushed it closed with slightly more force then necessary.

"Bella." His voice was calm, as if someone hadn't just broken into my house and stolen one of the greatest gifts I had ever received.

Stomping irately towards homeroom I thought about all of the possible culprits. It was probably rude of me to ignore Edward like this, and a part of me-quite a large part, anguished over the fact that I was being completely unfair, but I didn't want to snap at him.

I wanted to save my wrath for the one that truly deserved it.

It's a humbling thought to think of all the people who could possibly hate you. I don't think I ruffle too many feathers; I keep my nose clean, and mind my own business. Why would anyone want to take something of mine? It held no value except that of sentiment, and that means that the motive behind the thievery was to hurt either Edward or myself.

I never thought anyone would even care enough to do something like that.

Edward was even less then unenthusiastic. He was concerned at first, but more regarding the fact that someone had gotten into my house then the actual book being stolen. He wanted to inform Charlie, even if just for a precaution, I placated him with the promise that I would now lock all doors and windows when he was away.

I think he was more relieved that I wasn't harmed, you know, with my unusual tendency to find the most dangerous thing in my vicinity, and taunt it into trying to maim and kill me.

So, naturally, he offered to make me a new one.

But I don't want a new one.

I don't like new.

The vintage monstrosity that I call my pickup truck is on our curb to prove that fact.

Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful notion, and I'm truly grateful for it, but this is my fault. I lost it, and I intend to get it back. Any part in this rescue played by him, just makes me more indebt.

I was too distracted in my thoughts that I missed my name being called for role.

"Miss Swan? Miss Swan?" the droning voice of the substitute teacher was only slightly more cheerful then my own monotonous contemplations.

"Oh, I'm here" Raising my hand in the air to prove the point. As my face began to turn a light shade of pink, too distracted, even to be properly embarrassed.

The man shook his head, muttering something about lazy, insolent teenagers, and went back to his role.

The class returned to their conversations, after briefly staring in my direction, my own problems mattering little to them.

They didn't care enough to pay attention.

_**Ok, I know its taken a while, and I know its pathetically short and most probably boring, but it was my friends birthday on the weekend, and I had to celebrate with her, and it was fun, because I didn't get sun burnt =), but, then again, it was only, like, 30 degrees Celsius, so lucky her pool is heated =)**_

_**Also, as you all know, it's Halloween, and I had to dress up, ok, I'm babbling.**_

_**Just have pity, and take mercy, I'm sick (cough)**_

_**Please rate and review, I know I don't deserve it, but be kind.**_

_**-Emily, and Derrick the Dinosaur.**_

_**xo**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Ok, fourth chapter, I hope you enjoy, it's WAY predictable. But we shall see how long that lasts.**_

_**Just another thanks to all who review. You make me feel loved. And when Emily feels loved, she doesn't steal the meat out of the cooking room at school so that people cant cook with it. (I'm Vegan, and my Home Economics teacher is a Nazi- I do not do that because I have a problem with other people eating meat, because I don't, I just like to give my teacher a hard time). (So there for, it is your civic duty to rate and review, other wise, I can not be held accountable for my actions.)**_

_**Oh, I do not own Twilight, or Disneyland, or Jensen Ackles. But never fear, there is time yet for me to acquire them.**_

_**Ok, I'll shut up now…**_

_**(Song of the update: Hot in the dolls house- My Passion.)**_

Classes dragged by slowly, although, I barely registered what anyone was saying. I was thinking about throwing my shoe at the Trig teacher when the lunch bell finally rang.

On our way to the cafeteria, Edward looked anxious, as if he was considering letting me know something. A rare frown creased his brow as he loaded out tray with food.

We didn't speak, although the curiosity was eating away at me.

I moved towards our eating area, smiling at Angela when she cleared Jessica's books away from our usual seats.

Edward let out a nearly inaudible sigh from behind me, as he gently grasped my elbow and steered me towards an empty table at the end of the room.

He was still frowning as I sat down.

I looked at him, making my confusion evident.

As he put the tray down on the table, he gestured for me to start eating. I leaned back in my seat, stubbornly folding my arms, and looked at him.

We both stared at each other for a moment, neither backing down, or admitting defeat.

"You won't eat until I confess, will you?" It was barely a question. He knew me well enough to guess the answer.

I shook my head anyway, to further my point.

He sighed exasperatedly.

"I _think._" He stressed the think, "I _might,_" again stressing the adverb "know _something, _about the whereabouts of our recently absent property…" he said the last part in a rush, I only just caught its meaning.

"Go on…." I squinted at him, like they do in those old gangster movies, when the mob boss thinks that Mikie is holding out on him. (No pun intended)

"Ok, Bella, I don't know for certain-" I cut him off rudely.

"So what you're saying is…." I squinted my eyes again, trying my hardest to look menacing, but probably only succeeding in making it seem like I needed to visit the optometrist. He only barley managed not to laugh.

"That you have a slight inkling of where my precious property has been book-knapped?"

"One could argue that yes" he stroked his chin, in a very Sherlock Holmes like gesture.

"And, one might also argue, that it would be wisest to tell said owner of this property, where, exactly, it resides, before she goes and gets bruises while trying to _beat it out of you._" My smile was sweet, despite the fact I had just said the last with my teeth clenched.

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, an odd thing for a vampire to do.  
"All I heard was Mike talking to himself about it on my way to form this morning. He had the books cover in his mind, and was thinking about how pretty you look with your hair like that." Seeing my expression he rushed to appease me. "I know, I know, he is a vile excuse for a human being, and-"

"Mike? _Mike Newton?!_"

_**Ooooooooooooo. I wonder…..**_

_**Hehe, no, that wasn't predictable at all……**_

_**Kudos for all those who guessed correctly. Actually, I don't think that there was a single one of you who didn't. =) **_

_**You will receive one kiss from Edward if you review this story. (This Edward may or may not be Edward Cullen. But are you willing to take that chance?)**_

_**You are all wonderful for reading, and I hope you enjoyed XD.**_

_**Until next time avid readers.**_

_**Much Love**_

_**-Emily and Derrick the Dinosaur.**_

_**-Chloe the Carrot says hi.**_

_**xo**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I own: one slightly tattered dinosaur, a hole punch that I use to scatter confetti around to irritate people cleaning, one set of green, yellow and blue ear phones (that I shang-highed off of my brother) a HUGE eraser (for really BIG mistakes) ½ of Bronte Bell-Wards soul (because she owed me money so bartered her mistreated and everlasting being off to me instead) and 3 good quality, if not, somewhat hairless Barbie dolls I got when I was 5.**_

_**Stephanie Meyer owns: Edward Cullen. All things to do with, Edward Cullen.**_

_**Yeah, I'd rather be Stephanie Meyer.**_

_**Ok, this is just a filler chapter; I felt the need to update, because of all the wonderful reviews I've been getting. =) I realize it is very, very short, but I do hope you enjoy it. =)**_

_**(Reading Music: Afterlife – Avenged Sevenfold.)**_

Was it possible to see red? Either that or all the blood now making the epic and predictable journey towards my face was now currently clouding my vision.

I think I might have actually snapped my pencil…..

That thick, half-witted, bone-headed, nincompoop!

The only thing refraining me from jumping up and braining Mike the-ninny Newton with my sprite bottle, was the unrelenting grip Edward had on my hand, the stupid traitor had deviously wound his fingers in with mine in some crafty pretence of comfort.

Summoning my most terrifying glare I shifted my focus to Edwards face. His unusually white and pointy teeth, biting into his lip to stop himself from laughing at my expression.

"Come on" he gently tugged me off of the bench and made a beeline toward the exit.

"What? Wait, no, stop." I don't think my literary skills are being put too much use here.

He ignored me and continued on the path to his car.

"What about Biology? Gym? Okay, well, maybe not gym, but I'm sure Mr. Banner has planned a riveting lesson this afternoon; it would be a shame to miss it…." My voice trailed off hopefully. A muscle in his jaw locked, and I have a feeling he caught the vibe that I was slightly unstable and willing to lure Mike into a dark corner and perform some sort of violent exorcism on him. A human sacrifice might not go array…

The Volvo clicked open, and I found my self strapped in the passenger side.

"But what about the book?" exasperation made my outrage seem halfhearted.

"I'll retrieve it later." His face was pinched. Like he had just found something very unpleasant on the bottom of his shoe.

"No." my resolve was firm. "Not good enough."

He started it, and I will finish it.

No one messes with Bedward.

I will have my revenge.

_**Ok, as I said before, I got bored, and decided to spontaneously conjure up an exceptionally craptastical update. I am trying to make the chapters longer, so there for it might take longer to update. Please bare with me, we have end of year reports due in a few weeks, and then intro TEE classes, so I'm trying to make its interference with fanfiction minimal. Also, my mother is exceptionally moody this time of year, I think she's related to the Grinch, something about all this holiday cheer, it really gets her down….**_

_**Therefore, I am banned from the computer more often. Go figure.**_

_**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!**_

_**And you will not owe Mike Newton one sexual favor. (Shudders).**_

_**But that is only if you review. If you don't, you can expect Mike Newton on your doorstep in exactly 3.7 seconds. I'll leave the rest to your conscience.**_

_**Lovage.**_

_**-Emily and Derrick the dinosaur**_

_**P.S Check out Chloe's new story "Confessions of a Hollywood movie star" **_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: Well, I checked my magic 8 ball to see whether I own twilight, (as it is the greatest source of knowledge in the universe, second only to those Libra Facts sheets you get on the back of pads.) and it came up with this answer:**_

_**My sources say no.**_

_**So, obviously, it was wronge, and I checked again. **_

_**To which it replied: Outlook not so good.**_

_**And at that precise moment, it landed next to my hairless Barbie dolls in the "Violently Destroy" draw I have in my room.**_

_**Do you notice how I begin most of my Chapters with Bella's name? Well, I did. Actually, I might make that my signature. Well, try to at least.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**(Reading music: The killing lights- AFI)**_

"Bella!" I jumped nervously as a confounded voice sounded from the door way. A very loud, angry, confounded voice.

I peered at him from my spot at the window, turning my body towards his as much as I could manage while still straddling the ledge. I tried to compose my face into a mask of innocence.

"Yes, Edward?" My nonchalance sounded foney even to my own ears.

"What are you doing hanging out of the window?" by the sound of his tone, it was easy to guess that he already knew.

I raked my brain for a suitable excuse. It was hard, as I didn't generally make a habit of associating myself with any form of heights. For fear of falling to my death. "I'm, watching the sun set" My voice rose with the excitement of finding a non criminating explanation. I glanced at him hopefully.

"Bella, its six in the morning." He sounded like one of those dads who know that they are supposed to reprimand their child, but are finding it difficult because they have an overwhelming urge to laugh at the ridiculous situation said child is in.

Edward moved forward to remove me from the window. I clamped the ledge with my thighs, and hugged the frame tightly.

"Well, I hear you have to get in early for these things; I hear sun watching is quite popular…" I squeaked as his hands snaked around my waist, tugging gently.

"And blinding, according to every test ever conducted." He pulled harder, but not harshly, he looked like he wanted to avoid dislocating any of my limbs, and it was obvious he didn't believe a word I said.

I squeezed the ledge more, and heard him sigh in exasperation. He eyed my clothing questioningly. Shrugging, I concentrated on not looking directly into his eyes; I have a suspicion that the effects of that are even more devastating then that of the sun. I can't afford to be dazzled by him right now, or I might end up telling him all he already knew.

Like how I was on my way to run Mike over with my Chevy.

The fully black attire I donned 5 minutes earlier was slightly conspicuous. And the Black beanie perched atop of my head wasn't helping much.

I looked like a shady burglar, on my way to Tiffanies.

Edward rolled his eyes again, while successfully pulling me from the window, and latching it shut.

_**Ok, ok, ok, before you all start hunting me down, with the intent of braining me with your twilight copies, think of one thing, If I'm dead, can I update? **_

_**You see the confuflement you are in? (Yes, I do like making up my own words, kind of like Shakespeare, except I'm not a misogynistic prat….) **_

_**I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know it took so long to update, and I know I promised you all a long chapter, and I know it is so pathetically short, but I thought you would prefer it out sooner, rather then longer, and that you all might appreciate the term quality, rather then quantity…? Ok, so it's no Charlotte Bronte, but I actually quite like this Chapter, even if it is fluff.**_

_**May I just say that Chloe is awesome, as she pushed and nagged me to get it out. **_

_**Thank you again for all those wonderful people who reviewed. I was thinking of you as I was typing this up, (in the most non creepiest way possible….) **_

_**You make the Fanfiction world turn 'round. **_

_**And I will make my best effort to update with a really, really long chapter, and Alice Cullen will not dress you up as Dame Edna, and make you prance around like a chicken, if you review.**_

_**Is it just me? Or are my author's notes longer then my actually chapters…….weird…**_

_**Infinite X's and O's**_

_**-Emily and Derrick the dinosaur.**_

_**-And Chloe the Carrot.**_

_**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:**

_**You can do your worst! I'll never admit to owning twilight! ………..Wait…… that's not right…..?**_

_**Ok, I know its been a while, but I know you will all forgive me, when I say my excuse is that I've been downloading clips off of from the Twilight movie, trying to piece things together……………But, its ok now! BECAUSE IT CAME OUT IN AUSTRALIA TODAY!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ahem. Excuse me……..**_

_**(muffled sounds of "I LOVE EDWARD, I WANT TO RAPE AND ABDUCT HIM BECAUSE HE WILL NEVER LEAVE BELLA WILLINGLY!!" Comes from computer screen.) I'm sorry, you enjoy this update, I'm going to go cry now.**_

_**(Reading music: Bella's lullaby- Carter Burwell.)**_

"Bella."

"Shhhhh! Edward! Be quiet, or they'll hear you!" I scolded, while attempting a very Tom Cruise like, mission impossible maneuver across the Newton front lawn. He had complained the whole way, muttering something I'm sure was quite dejected, in a language I vaguely recognized, so quietly, that even from my position on his back, I couldn't quite catch it.

The only reason he agreed to participate in this particularly Illegal endeavor, was because I threatened to go on my own. Oh, I remember it well, I was especially insulted when he scoffed and pointed out that he could stop me easily. As if I needed reminding. It was a stroke of genius that _I _pointed out, that Emmett could stop him.

I felt guilty at that thought, any form of deceptiveness towards him on my part, was felt as a betrayal of my own being.

Strengthening my resolve, I tip-toed towards Mikes white picket fence. Their matching double story white house, looming above us.

It's hard to say whether it was the house or Edward that distracted me, but either way, as I took one step further, my foot caught in their garden hose. With a muffled thud, I fell to the grass, as I cursed Mike for the umpteenth time, and attempted to disentangle myself from the green contraption. 30 seconds later, all I had achieved was to wrap the entire cord around my person.

Cursing botany to fiery hell, (quite loudly), I looked at Edward pointedly. He stared back.

Without warning, a porch light lit up. Illuminating the lawn in an orange-ish glow.

Edward grabbed me, yanked the hose from the tap, and ran towards the forest bordering the family home. He set me down, just as Mr. Newton stared in disbelief, as the water now spurting from his demented faucet, proceeded to flood his pristine front lawn.

Edward glared at me the whole time he knelt down to help me out of my restrictive binding, twirling me around as he unwrapped the hose. Muttering something unintelligible under his breath, he grew frustrated when he couldn't get the loop over my head. The tightening of his jaw, and the hardening of his eyes, was the only warning I had before he gripped the length gently and pulled. Tearing the hose in half. The trapped water, held in place by the kinks I had created, spurted forth. Drenching us both.

He grinned broadly and I glared daggers. It was cold.

Gesturing to the hose, still bound around most of my person, I indicated for him to continue with the freeing of me.

He ducked down, tearing the rest of it away with just slight flicks of his fingers. I didn't feel a thing, as it fell to the forest floor with a quiet thud.

_**Hehehe, I'm hoping you all haven't noticed that this really isn't a large chapter, but that I've just enlarged the font, to cover up my disgusting lack of words. And that it is a huge insult to your intelligence that I am admitting to this, and expecting to get out of it alive. =)**_

_**But be nice, because I have a headache.**_

_**Oh, there I go again, fishing for sympathy…..**_

_**If I get lots of reviews, you all shall be dubbed awesome. (I'm going through a faze of dubbing everyone.) If not, I wave my privates at your aunties, you cheesy lot of electric donkey bottom bitters. (Says in French accent)**_

_**Aureviour'**_

_**Lol.**_

_**Loveage.**_

_**-Emily and Derrick the dinosaur.**_


	8. Chapter 8

I'm sorry. This is an authors note, but I know nobody reads them if they're labled "Authors note" so I used a new chapter as my title....

PLEASE READ THIS!! I know nobody reads these things but its very, very important.

G'Day all.

Ok, this is just a little note to all my wonderfully fantastic readers, to let you know that I probably won't be updating for at least another three weeks (you notice how I butter you up so that you feel more obliged to sympathy, rather then murderous rage…). I know I haven't updated in about that time anyway, and I fully deserve all of the hate mail, you are all just itching to send me…….but I ask of you, show mercy. Think of my poor self esteem. And all the people out there in the world that are more pathetic then I am….

Anyways, I have a Senior Non Commission Officers course that I am attending on the 3rd to the 22nd of January. So I DEFINATLY will not be updating between that time frame.

I would just like all of you to know, that this is very important to me, and I've been freaking out about it for more then a month. Oh, there I go again, fishing for sympathy….

I love you all, especially the ones that put up with me, because how can I be mean to people, that know how insane I am, and _still _want to read my work =)

Muchas love my amigos

-Emily and Derrick the Dinosaur.

-Chloe the carrot has already kicked my butt. So there is no need to get particularly violent….

RATE AND REVIEW AND YOU WILL NOT BE UBDUCKTED BY ALIENS


	9. Chapter 9

_Ok, just so you know. Chloe has been very mean. I am scared for life. She painted me up as a cat. Made me run for the bus. And ate all my vegan chocolate. To make matters worse. She won't leave. She's been her for three days. Apparently we're supposed to be doing maths. But she keeps distracting me, by appealing to my competitive side, and challenging me to thumb wars. I shall win some day...._

_Just so you know, it took nearly two hours, and a truck load of vegetable soup to get this out._

_**Disclaimer:  
**Edward Cullen is a sex god. Though, unfortunately, he is not **my** sex god. There is still time though._

**(Reading music recommendation "Invadors must Die- The Prodigy" [they are fantastic!])**

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"Bella?"

"ACHOOO!" I think half my saliva and twenty billion bacteria flew across the room in a stream of pestilent repugnance. Scowling, I blew my disturbingly red nose, on a scratchy tissue, smiling in self-righteous satisfaction as the sound made Edward flinch.

"Bella, come on……It's been three days. Aren't you at least going to talk to me?" I rolled over and stuffed my face into my pillow. The fabric scratched my nose and I resisted the urge to sneeze again.

After three days of monosyllabic replies and requests, you'd think he'd get the hint. You know, that I'm somewhat indignant about the previous week or so, and am resulting back to plan B, where I vegetate until graduation, and hope all of it goes away, or that everything is eaten by some form of giant sea mollusk. Hopefully the mollusk eats Mike, because he's really at the center of the situation.

Frowning, I set my mind to the task at hand. Sleeping.

Edward sighed in exasperation; apparently, he was growing tired of my continued reluctance to admit defeat. Well, let him get his possessions stolen, by an eccentric and slightly unstable, obsessive classmate, who has an irrational and slightly homicidal fetish for onion rings, and see how well he handles it.

I glared at him. Challenging him to release any more unnecessary atmospheric gases.

"Bella, honey, please have your medication, Carlisle said it will help clear up the mucus problem." Edward offered a measurement cup of sinister looking liquid, which held the colour of the blood that I've seen on that alien movie. I stared at it apprehensively, almost daring it to bubble.

Then his words registered.

"I don't have a mucus problem!" Another line of snot threatened to roll down from my nose, and I wiped it away, even though it contradicted my point.

I was NOT going to blow snot bubbles in front of Edward.

My pride had already been hurt enough.

So I did the logical thing. I got angry.

"Besides, it's your fault, you broke the hose! You should be sick, and I should be the one taunting you about all the excess mucus you produce. Instead, I'm stuck here, at the mercy of Emmett and his stupid snot jokes, while Mike "the ninny" Newton is running around with my book."

Life was so not fair.

"What about your tablets? Do you need some water?" I just glared at him.

"There chewable……." The hope in his voice was noticeable, when his tone lifted a few octaves.

I stared at the offending little pills. The smiling faces of the little fishy's that created the form of the capsules looked up at me. Just begging my teeth the grind them up into tiny little particles. Seems kind of suicidal. In a somewhat demented way. What sad little fishy's.

Grabbing a handful, I shoved the small sea dwellers onto my reluctant tong, and closed my jaw.

OH. MY. GOD.

FISH.

They tasted. Of FISH!

Who'da thought?

Struggling to keep from emptying the contents of my stomach all over Edward designer bed sheets, I managed to inhale small particles of the pesky pills.

"Bella?!?" Edwards voice of alarm penetrated the haze of miscomprehension, at about the time my face appeared to turn a disturbing shade of puce. Apparently, breathing in mixed concoctions of "Essence de la Fish" tablets, and saliva was not good for your airway.

In summary. I was choking.

Edward ran for a glass of water at about the same time as I started flapping my arms around like a demented chicken.  
Black spots were beginning to form in front of my vision, when Edward poured half a gallon of water down my throat; effectively dislodging the culprit of my anaphylaxsation.

When I had finished the mother of all coughing fits shortly following, I glared forcefully at my beloved.

"Lets _NEVER _try that again."

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_Alrighty._

_There is chapter nine. Well, technically, chapter eight. But in the interest of saving lives (nameably mine) we'll go with it._

_Ok, so I've noticed that Chloe has been getting more reviews then me lately…._

_Sure, she may update more, and have better quality chapters, but I'm developing a COMPLEXE PEOPLE!!!_

_Think of my poor ego =[._

_So, what I expect all of you to do is hit that little review button, and make me fell good. You know, so I don't think that the world is ending. _

_Tinsey bit dramatic? _

_A well._

_Ciao my lovelies._

_-Emily the Extraordinary_

_-And Derrick the Dinosaur._

_P.S Chloe the Carrot should be updating sometime tonight, so if she doesn't, just review me hate mail to send onto her =]_


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